"The sensitivity of boys never ceases to astound me."
-- Rod Boothroyd
I believe something profound will change in the world when men are regarded more immensely as being highly sensitive beings in their own right. Not in comparison to or to take anything from the subsequent and equally significant sensitivity in women (as we can so easily fall into the fractured pain-blame-games still waged between the genders).
The challenge is our world, even in the throes of a dying patriarchy, has marked men harshly for so long in not being acknowledged or stewarded into an enduring embodiment of their softness, their tenderness and healthy actualization of their Lover within.
It's helpful to consider when working with men, relating to men or being a man yourself to recall the adorable sensitivity we embodied as boys; as delightful children.
If you watch male children, you will see the same universal beauty we celebrate in all children. That defenseless heart, brimming with unbridled love and the desire to connect with others and the whole world in endearing constancy and without any inhibitions chilling the mighty embrace of our unencumbered, innocent, holy humanness.
The spontaneous flow of feelings, easeful, tremendous in grace, brilliant in its effusiveness and even perspicaciously wise in its candour (have you ever asked children deep questions about life?). The constancy of smiles. The endless wilds of joy. The songs of laughter and yes too the paeans of grief.
All children remind us why humanity is so beautifully wonderful and sacred.
But then something happens. They grow up. Culture increasingly targets them, conditions them. The wounds of the West get them, that patriarchal hubris, that hangover of Christendom, that subtly and even grossly shames so many primal impulses or, worse, twists them into distorted psychological level-control mechanisms to initiate them as manipulatable consumers.
The division games are taught and intellectual dogmas that split and then arm masculine and feminine against each other, within AND without. The distorted duplicity of commercialism that exploits us for profits, manipulating us to so many amoral ends. And the anemic education system, bereft of deep sexual, psychological and philosophical cultivations, that leave our maturity hanging in the most precarious shape.
As men, that adorable boy is gradually locked up, buried under the morass of the tired story of 'boys don't cry' that still gets too much airplay.
And the noble Warrior, instead of being honed into a properly assertive, boundary-genius, is sold out to mercenary brutalities and stripped of chivalry by a love-repressed and honouring-scarce culture.
And, worse, when men can't express, shirk from vulnerability with quiet terror that hardens their bodies and terrorizes their soft hearts, they are met with frustration and judgment, no more than by themselves...
I recall years ago after my own sexual repressions and distortions caused catastrophic events in a loving partnership that I was met with shaming, fury and even abuse.
No blame. I was withholding, shadowy and wove illusions that crushed her when revealed. She spun into disillusionment. Angry as hell but really just heart-broken and grief-stricken. Her own wounds erupted and our love became a mess, although a teaching mess that profoundly moved us both.
It wasn't until after our relationship ended that she did deep therapy herself and began to understand the complex psychological wounding I was suffering from. Her heart grew wiser by that and she reached out for a healing dialogue.
She shared, as tears rained from both of our eyes, remorse and apologies for being so callous. It was a beautiful moment that utterly evolved both of our hearts. I am eternally grateful for her courage and strength to see things differently.
But it also made me think back at how often I myself had been shamed since a child for my desires, my affections, my proclivities, by peers, parents, culture itself in its broken mirroring. How often that happens to us all and then internalized as we become our own relentless and ruthless persecutors. It's a tired tragedy.
I know that's a human thing, not a man dilemma. Yet, our culture does a poor job acknowledging and stewarding the innocent sensitivity of boys into manhood, largely by discouraging their feelings, whereas women tend to be more celebrated for their emotionality. The deep scarcity of honouring the feeling nature of men has ravaged too many hearts.
It doesn't mean the rise of BETA males. Not at all. If anything, it redefines what ALPHA means.
It's a mastery of a man who can give love so fully he penetrates the world with his radiance and virtue AND yet can also receive love; be held; feel protection from those around him who have his back and women too whose embraces make his innocence feel protected enough to bloom the flowers of his vulnerability.
Boys do cry. So beautifully. So wonderfully. May they cry rivers that carry them through their manhood, blessing them with hearts full enough to feel enough to love strong enough to be real men; real strong, soft, loving warriors of soul...
Kings of the Heart, it is time to rise and to place love on the throne. It is time for the sensitivity in men to be honoured and made into the rightful balancer for all of our incredible mightiness. May it be.